I debated writing this post for the longest time now because confidence according to so many sources can not be learned. But I am here to tell you that, that is pure myth. Everyone has insecurities, even the most confident people have them. Insecurities are part of being human, it makes us who we are, don’t beat yourself about being insecure and remember that you are only this way because you want to be the best you can possibly be. The plan here is not to force yourself to feel any sort of way but tackle your insecurities slowly and consciously. So here is some of the Do’s and Dont’s to gain confidence and start living up to your best potential!
DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF to social media stars
I can not stress this point enough. “Comparison is the thief of joy”. We are all very unique creatures, there are no two people exactly the same. In our time, today, we are constantly bombarded with what appears to be perfect people with perfect lives, displayed while scrolling down on your phone for hours and hours throughout the day. What people seem to forget is that social media is a platform where people choose to show you a side of themselves and lives, tailored to make you believe that they are airbrushed, fabulous and happy. In reality, we never know what is going on after the picture is captured, we forget that there are hundreds of apps to adjust your skin, your tan and edit out all the things they don’t like. These people we see didn’t only use filters to edit their pictures, they also filtered out the parts of their lives they don’t want you to see. So next time you are stalking that perfect Instagram model, remember that this is what they choose to show you. Don’t compare yourself to unrealistic standars but do use them as inspiration to push you into being the best you, you can possibly be.
DO WRITE DOWN ALL THE THINGS YOU LOVE ABOUT YOURSELF
I have to say this loud and clear, we as humans are always seeking perfection, and we can be a bit harsh on ourselves. But I know deep inside that everyone has a love for themselves that drives them to wake up every day and hustle, that make them excited to live their lives. Keep a list of all the things you love about yourself, physically and mentally. Write down at least two things every day that you love about yourself in your journal and keep adding on to the list. There are endless things to love about yourself, but people seem to focus on their flaws instead of their good qualities
DON’T BE ASHAMED OF YOUR FLAWS
Yes, don’t be ashamed of your flaws! Tell yourself all the time that you are fabulous, and these flaws do not define you. Embrace your flaws and remember that these tiny insignificant things make you the fabulous person you are today. Without them you wouldn’t be you, you wouldn’t be the person you are today, able to read this post in the hopes of growing yourself and improving.
DO REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE PROBABLY THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES YOUR FLAWS
Everyone in your life loves you for who you are. Remember that you are probably the only one who sees those flaws in yourself, someone else might be idolizing you and cursing their stars why they don’t have the traits that you do. So why choose to focus on all the bad insignificant things that are probably only visible to you, while you can be focusing on all the amazing qualities you have?
DON’T ALLOW YOUR THOUGHTS TO CONTROL YOU
Actively and consciously stop yourself from thinking anything bad about yourself. You are in control here, not your emotions or your flaws. Through your thoughts you can control everything, you can choose to believe that you are everything bad in the world and live the rest of your life beating yourself up about it, or you actively believe that you are strong, capable and flawless. Remember you can be whoever you want to be if you truly believe it, even if it means being a confident person.
DO NOTE THAT IF YOUR FLAWS CHANGE, YOU WON’T MAGICALLY BECOME MORE CONFIDENT
I want to stress on this point a lot. Everyone in this world has told themselves, if only that one thing changed, I will be really confident and my life will be perfect. Most of the time this is not the case, you need to understand that confidence is a feeling, it’s a state of mind. It will take you months, even years but it will be worth it, once you understand yourself worth and understand that if this flaw changes all your problems won’t magically disappear.
Remember that you only live once, and you are only in this body and on this earth once. Make the best out of it and embrace yourself every second of the way. Know that you are capable of everything, believe in yourself, believe that you are unique and you are beautiful.
Some books that are helpful
YOU ARE A BADASS by Gen Sincero
THE CONFIDENCE CODE: THE SCIENCE AND ART OF SELF-ASSURANCE—WHAT WOMEN SHOULD KNOW by Katty Kay
THE 5 SECOND RULE: TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE, WORK, AND CONFIDENCE WITH EVERYDAY COURAGE by Mell Robbins
THE SECRET THOUGHTS OF SUCCESSFUL WOMEN: WHY CAPABLE PEOPLE SUFFER FROM THE IMPOSTOR SYNDROME AND… by Valerie Young